Rainbow Jokes

What’s the difference between a Bliss Ninny and a High Hippie Elder?

Twenty years and a cup.

How do you tell High Holies from Bliss Ninnies?

They have their own cup (and its a BIG one).

(recent update: they also have their own folding chair)

Did you hear about….

1. the High Holy who said, “We’re all one”, but thinks he’s the one?
2. the Rainbow who took a bath in the ocean and left a ring around the world?

How do you say “fuck you” in Rainbow?

“Can I borrow your flashlight?”

How do you show them you really love them?

Bring it back…

How do you say “fuck you” in Rainbow?

1. Brother, you’ve got some serious healing to do.
2. (To someone who shits in the kitchen) This is your first Rainbow, right?
3. Sure, I’ll watch your gear while you look for a campsite.
4. Can’t this announcement wait?. We’re hungry. Let’s OM.
5. Six-up!

How do you tell if Deadheads have been staying at your house?

They’re still there!

How do you tell if Rainbows have been staying at your house?

They’re still there, and the dishes are done!

How do you tell if Drainbows have been staying at your house?

They are still there, the dishes AREN’T done, and your stash is GONE!

How do you know that hippies have been in your house?

Your refrigerator is empty.
All your faucet screens are missing.
Your daughter is pregnant.
The last you saw of your dog he was chasing a VW bus down the road?

How can you tell if a Rainbow is crashing at your house?

The peanut butter jar has finger prints inside, the dumpster shows signs of a recent dive, and HE’S STILL THERE…

How can you tell when the crashing Rainbow is getting ready to leave?

The phone bill comes

What’s the difference between a Rainbow and a Dead Head

A Rainbow will give the shirt off his back,
and a Dead Head will sell you somebody else’s for $25, two for $40.

What’s the difference between a Rainbow and a Gutter Punk?

Fuck You!!!

What do you do if you’re ever lost in the woods?

Stop and make a fire, and a pot of coffee, and ten Rainbows will show up to tell you how you did it wrong. (And to drink the coffee, of course.)

Why did all the hippies move to Eugene, Oregon?

There’s no work there.

Where’s the best place to hide your stash in a hippie household?

In your work boots.

Where’s the best place to hide your money in a hippie household?

Under the soap.

How can you tell if a hippie broke up with his girlfriend?

He’s homeless.

How can you tell if a hippie broke up with her boyfriend?

She’s homeless & pregnant.

What does a Deadhead say when he runs out of acid?

“This band suuuuuucks!”

How are Rainbow coffee & Rainbow cigarettes the same?

“Ptooh! Thpth! Sptt!”

How many Deadheads does it take to change a light bulb?

100,001 – 1 to take out the old bulb & 100,000 to follow it around for years after it burned out.

How many Rainbows does it take to screw in a light bulb?

(from a first time gatherer) Rainbows don’t need light bulbs. They ARE the light!
(from a Deadhead) Rainbows don’t screw in light bulbs, silly. They screw in SLEEPING BAGS!
(from a veteran gatherer) Well… it takes about a hundred to council, three or four to be left the next morning after it’s been going non-stop all night, and one guy to get pissed and just go do it before anyone finds out and tries to stop him.

Why did the Rainbow cross the road?

He saw several people on the other side standing in a circle and coughing.

Why are so many Rainbows named after bears?

They both eat honey,
they both give hugs,
and they both shit in the woods.

How many drainbows does it take to watch a fire go out:

All of them

How do you get a one-armed hippie out of a tree?

You pass him a joint.

Why did the pothead cross the road?

Who else would follow a chicken?

How do you tell the leaders at a Rainbow Gathering?

1. They write things down.
2. They come up to law enforcement officers and say, “How can I help?”.
3. Forest Rangers know them enough to say, “How’s it goin’?”
4. They show up with either a school bus or a teepee.
5. If they like you, they invite you inside their schoolbus or their teepee.
6. Other leaders let them come in behind the bliss rail and sit down.
7. They never have to go around and say, “Dose me”.
8. They have copies of the Rainbow Guide and All Ways Free that are more than five years old.
9. They frequently say, “I remember when we didn’t use to have all this…”
10. They haven’t had to dig a shitter for several years.
11. They carry an elaborate hand crafted walking stick, and they have a tin cup hanging from their belt or stick, tied with a piece of rope.
12. They frequently talk about “spirit”.

Are you a high holy?

If you have ever told someone how to OM
… you just might be a high holy.

If you have a copy of the Rainbow Oracle but don’t let anyone look at it
… you just might be a high holy.

If you have ever refused to go to a gathering because of an argument over a decade old
… you just might be a high holy.

If you have strong opinions about what the big rainbow gathering is called, and have lost friends over the argument.
… you just might be a high holy.

If you have ever accused someone of being a “bliss ninny” – while sitting in a chair
… you just might be a high holy.

If you have ever told a council not to start until you arrive
… you just might be a high holy.

If you have ever enforced “rainbow rules” by calling them “long-standing consensus”
… you just might be a high holy.

If you have ever used the term “drainbow”
… you just might be a high holy.

If you have ever ‘shushed’ someone on July 4, louder than they were talking
… you just might be a high holy.

If you have ever referred to yourself as ‘elder’
… you just might be a high holy.

If you have ever hollered “respect the feather!” when the feather was not in your hand
… you just might be a high holy.

If you were at the first gathering and you make sure everyone knows it
… you just might be a high holy

TOP TEN REASONS HIPPIES go to the woods, TAKE off their clothes & LEAVE THEM

10. They thought the clean up crew needed more clothes.
9. They thought if the clean up crew didn’t want them, the bears might.
8. They figured the maid was waiting till the party was over to clean up.
7. They believed it when someone called them a ‘dirty hippie’ and decided they’d better get some clean clothes from the ‘freebie’ pile & leave the dirty behind.
6. They thought when they heard folks talk of “the mother” that she’d take care of it.
5. They’re really into the simple life and figure the rains will wash the clothes, the air will dry them, the sun will bleach them and since the clothes were all natural fibers, they’d just become compost if no one wanted them.
4. They have never worked clean up and don’t know how to clean up after themselves.
3. They outgrew them.
2. They took them off in the dark and couldn’t find them later because they lost their flashlight

and the number one reason hippies leave their clothes in the woods is…

1. Because they can and they don’t know any better.

Top ten reasons why the Rainbow Gathering has been canceled

10. Everyone heard what was happening in alt.gathering.rainbow and got disgusted with anything rainbow.
9. The Forest Service requires a permit, which would compromise our right to gather, so the leaders have decided not to gather anymore.
8. Why bother? The world is coming to an end soon anyway, so forget all this back to the earth crap.
7. It would offend someone somewhere. We don’t know who, but let’s not risk it.
6. Lack of interest. The federal government has declared there are no more hippies.
5. All donations of green energy have disappeared. Literally- every dollar in every pocket has just vanished. No Green, no gathering.
4. The scouting/clean up crew has been holed up with all the donations in a motel drinking beer for a month. You don’t like it ? Too bad.
3. All possible gathering sites have been set aside as “National Dirt Bike Proving Grounds.”
2. A 60 Minutes investigation has discovered that the so called Rainbow Gatherings are really a front for Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart wanted to build malls in the forest, and the hippies were being used as free scouts.
1. President Bush has come out of the closet, and proudly announced he is a “hippie”.

So this Rainbow walks into a bar,

and the bartender comes up to him and says, “What can I get you?” The Rainbow says, “Bring me a cup of the strongest, blackest, thickest coffee that a human stomach can endure.”

So the bartender says, “Give me a minute”, and goes in back, out the backdoor, across the alley to the Jiffy-Lube, gets a cup out of their used oil bowser, and brings it back in and serves it to him.

So the Rainbow is sitting there enjoying his coffee and the bartender says, “You know, we don’t get very many Rainbows in here.”

And the Rainbow says, “That’s because they’re all still back waiting in line at Java Love trying to be one of the first five to pounce on the pot as soon as it comes off the fire.”

This hippy stoner goes to a bar. He hasn’t had any nookie in a while. He sees this chick leaning on the cigarette machine in a dark corner and decides to talk to her.

He says, “Hey, baby, I know this is a little forward, but I don’t get out much, so I’m willing to take a chance. Why don’t me and you go to your place and get stoned, maybe cuddle, and make a little whoopie?”

She looks up at the stoner and says, “I can’t right now, I’m on my menstrual cycle.”

The stoner scratches his head and thinks for a second,

“It’s OK I’ll follow you. I’m on my Honda”.

A hippie stoner called the fire department and said, “Come quick, my house is on fire!”

The fireman asked, “How do we get there?”

The stoner said, “DUH, the big red truck!”

Some stoned hippy dude walks into the 7-11. He goes up to the man behind the counter and says “Got any weed?”

The man says, “No!” So the stoner leaves.

The stoner comes back and asks the guy behind the counter, “Hey you got any weed?”

The man says “No, I just told you, we don’t sell weed here.” So the stoner leaves again.

The stoner walks in the next day and says, “Got any weed?”

The clerk behind the counter says, “Look you fuckin’ burnout, we don’t sell weed here. If you come in here again, I’m goin’ to nail your fuckin’ teeth to the floor!!!” So the stoner leaves.

He comes in the next day, “You got any nails?”

“No”, the clerk replies.

The stoner looks at him in the eyes and says, “You got any weed?”

A hippy stoner is standing in front of a pop machine when a man walks up behind him.

The stoner puts his money in the machine, pushes the button, then takes the pop out and sets it on the ground.

Again, the stoner puts his money in the machine, pushes the button, and takes the pop out of the machine to set it on the ground.

This goes on for about 5 minutes before the man waiting behind him says, “What the HELL are you doing?!!”

The stoner turns around and says, “Duh! I’m WINNING!”

There’s a hippy stoner and a super genius sitting on a bench waiting for a bus.

The genius gets bored, leans over to the stoner and says, “Hey I’ll tell you what. I’ll ask you a question and if you don’t know the answer you have to give me five bucks. If you ask me a question and I don’t know the answer, I have to give you fifty bucks.”

The stoner says, “All right, man.”

The genius asks the stoner, “What is the Pythagorean Theorem?”

The stoner replies, “I don’t know,” and hands the genius five bucks.

“Okay,” the stoner says, “What has three legs going up a hill and four legs going down?”

The genius thinks real hard and finally gives up. He hands the stoner fifty bucks and then asks, “So what is the answer?”

The stoner says, “I don’t know,” and hands the genius five bucks.

A hippy stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner, “How much for that TV set in the window?”

The owner looks at the TV set, then looks at the stoner, and says, “I don’t sell stuff to potheads.”

So the stoner tells the owner that he’ll quit toking and will come back the next week to buy the TV. A week later, the stoner comes back and says, “I quit smoking pot. Now, how much for that TV set in the window?”

And the owner says, “I told you I don’t sell to potheads!”

So the stoner leaves again. He comes back a week later and says, “How much for that TV?”

The owner says, “I’m not going to tell you again, I don’t sell to potheads!!!”

The stoner looks back at the owner and says, “How can you tell I’m a pothead?”

The owner looks back and says, “Because that’s a microwave.”

There was this traveling salesman,

and it was getting late, and he was miles from any motel, so he decided to walk up to this farmhouse nearby and ask if there was any place he could sleep.

He was going to knock on the front door but he found it wide open, with a big banner above it saying “Welcome Home!” So he went inside, and asked the first person he saw – an old man with a gray beard dressed in bluejeans with no shirt but several necklaces, standing by the kitchen sink doing dishes.

The salesman said, “Can you direct me to the owner of this establishment?”

“That’s me”, the old man said.

“Do you have any place for me to sleep, tonight?”, said the salesman. “I’ll be glad to pay you for your troubles.”

The old man gave him a long hug, and said, “Why, brother, you can sleep anywhere you want here – and you don’t have to pay me ANYTHING. Everything’s FREE at Rainbow.”

The salesman muttered bewilderedly, “Rainbow?”.

“Yes, RAINBOW.” laughed the old man. “We’re having a Rainbow weekend potluck right out in back. Have yourself something to eat and sack out anywhere you like, as long as it isn’t too near the creek.”

“I won’t have to sleep with your daughter, will I?”, asked the salesman anxiously. “I remember what happened the last place I had to do that.”

The old man smiled and said, “Why you can sleep with ALL my beautiful brothers and sisters.”

“Thank you, but I won’t need that”, said the traveling salesman as he thought, “Well, there ain’t any other place”, and started to go out back. He saw a lot people with strange clothes on, tried some of the beans – but stopped after two spoonfuls when a man sitting next to him farted – and went off to the edge of the woods to try to sleep.

After only about ten minutes, a young blonde girl with flowers in her hair and a ring thru her nose came up to him, nudged him gently, and said “Would you like to do it now?”

The salesman thought to himself, “These people don’t waste their time, do they? He said out loud to the girl, “No, thank you. I’ve just had a long day on the road, and I’m really very tired. Please, just leave me alone.”

About ten minutes after that, a young man with nothing on but a wrap-around skirt came up to him and again said “Would you like to do it now? It will make you feel really good.”

The salesman thought to himself, “They’ve got those kind of people here, too? What kind of place have I walked into?” He said out loud to the man, “No, really, I’ve got a headache. Just let me get some shut-eye, okay?”

Then only five minutes later, two other young girls, a big man with a black beard and a Harley-Davidson T shirt, and the old man came up to him and said, “Are you SURE you don’t want to do it now? We’d really love to have you.”

The salesman thought to himself, “Well, I don’t know if I want to piss off that big guy, and maybe they’ll leave me alone if I just do it once with them.” He said out loud to the group, “Okay, I’ll do it”, pulled off his pants, and stood up.


Whereupon they took his hands, swept him out into the field, all joined hands with each other,
and started to say, “o-o-o-o-m”.

September 14th, 2016 by John Anderson